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Dec. 13th, 2005 11:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
litchSince I did the sad on the couch I have been fuck-all for getting away from it. I can't seem to stop being sad except for some brief breaks of fear and anger(fear), the best I can manage is to distract myself with a problem at work or otherwise fill myself with busy.
This is what scares me about living in the now, that I will pierce the dike and be subsumed by my emotions. That I will feel so sad or scared that I can't feel anything else and that I will never be able to stop feeling it. I realized driving home tonight I can quantify how scared and sad I am, I am as scared/sad as I am fat. Considering my BMI is 46, that's pretty wrought.
I feel sad every time I slow down enough to really feel my emotions, and scared most of the time I am moving at speed. I don't have a whole hell of a lot objectively to be all that sad or scared about, but that doesn't matter at all emotions exist outside of reason.
This is what scares me about living in the now, that I will pierce the dike and be subsumed by my emotions. That I will feel so sad or scared that I can't feel anything else and that I will never be able to stop feeling it. I realized driving home tonight I can quantify how scared and sad I am, I am as scared/sad as I am fat. Considering my BMI is 46, that's pretty wrought.
I feel sad every time I slow down enough to really feel my emotions, and scared most of the time I am moving at speed. I don't have a whole hell of a lot objectively to be all that sad or scared about, but that doesn't matter at all emotions exist outside of reason.
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Date: 2005-12-14 01:32 pm (UTC)But the premise of truly forgiving yourself for all your faults before you can accept yourself for who you are is interesting.