(no subject)

[litch]

I am adrift in listlessness and alienation, I don't feel the desire to do anything, I don't feel like I am a part of anything, I am as energetic and alive as a slime mold.

My shrink suggests that this sort of experience is a method of tamping out unwanted unpleasent emotions, anger or sadness. Anger at least would have some hint of warmth, I'm just blah, runny dogshit on hot cracked aphalt.

It was exacerbated by the dog park, didn't feel connected or really interested in being there, even the obvious doggy joy did nothing for me. I think, if I am feeling sad, that I am sad about being lonely. I heard a song on the radio coming back I used to like but Loudon Wainwright's "Living Alone" just crushed me even further into the ground. I'm scared of growing old alone, scared of never being capable of conforming to someone else enough to live with them and still be me.

I feel grungy and hot, like I took a nap in the shade but woke in the sun. I'll go take a bath and then a nap and see if that pulls me from this atrocious space behind my eyes.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Compromise is a necessary part of a relationship that has a chance in hell of working. You are who you choose to be, even despite the woman in your life telling you not to be it.