Insecurity

[litch]

vaysha said Some people think that jealousy is a feeling of insecurity . I see it as a respect issue.

I respectfully disagree.

At least that is how I feel when I am experienceing what I think of as jealousy.

I think that you cossett yourself in an excuse of social proprieties.

For example, if I see a man who is very handsome and he is with someone I don't ogle out of respect for the comfort of his companion.

Respect? Not in the slightest, pity perhaps, a low esteem of some sort certainly. If you really respected his companion then you'd have no compunction openly oggling, because you'd trust both him and her enough that the simple smoldering desirous looks from a hot chick wouldn't be any kind provocation. At best they'd consider it a compliment, at worst they'd ignore it as a trifle before a maharajah's buffet.

Same with flirting, back in the day when I was single. If a person is engaged in commitment with someone I might find them attractive but since I have always had a great respect for people who are in or working on creating a relationship I wouldn't flirt.

Surely you don't mean to imply that because you are such a sex goddess that no relationship of mere mortals could possibly cope with your flirtatious devotion and come out unscathed? Or maybe you do, but it seems a bit cheeky from what little I know of you. If a successful stable relationship can't be created which will survive a little casual flirting as it develops what makes you think it will survive the first time comeone screw up on a bill and they but suffer signifigant financial stress?

I don't believe you when you say jealousey is about respect for your, it doesn't follow from your actions. I could believe that jealousey came out a feeling of deep antipathy and self-aggrandizement. But that doesn't seem to be what you are claiming at all, so might I suggest another alternative? That you have echos of fear in your memory, self-doubt that your project onto others around you (on a very unconscious level I am sure) and you think "if they were like me, me when I am scared or lacking confidence or esteem, then they would want someone to come to the rescue of them my acting this way".

Comments

jealousy

[gev.livejournal.com]

and see, I avoid all this crap by not being jealous.
of course, it's not so easy avoiding the jealousy of OTHERS.

Re: jealousy

[litch.livejournal.com]

I don't have enough self-esteem to completely eschew jealousey, but I try not to let it effect what I do and recognize it as a feeling, know where it comes from and when I can manage it use it as a guide to working on myselflove such that I don;t suffer the esteem defecit that prepends such emotions.

that icon!

[sphinxie.livejournal.com]

Your Satanic pendulum!

Re: jealousy

[gev.livejournal.com]

now see... I always thought you had better self-esteem than I did.
now I'm just confused, I think.

Peeing on the Electric Fence

[xeyeofhorusx.livejournal.com]

For me, jealousy comes from a feeling of lack, a wanting approval, wanting control, or wanting to be safe. When I decide that someone else has the approval, control or safety that I desire and yet believe I currently lack, I have an opportunity for jealousy. I'm not prefectly sure how I turn some of those opportunities into the experience, and filter out others, I will meditate on that. But in any case, when I experience it, I can notice the feeling that comes up, and let go of it. This paradoxically seems to help me manifest the very thing I had thought I lacked - when in retrospect, usually I was only fooling myself into believing I lacked.

You can also utilize the energy given from the flirter for your own purposes. If they intend to support your relationship, a natural synergy will arise. If they intend to disrupt your relationship, they open the door for their own power loss, and have themselves to blame when it backfires. This dynamic represents the oft-professed dangers of "black magic" to the operator, or the violation of the Law of Love. As Will Rogers said, there are those who learn from reading books, those from watching others, and those who have to pee on the electric fence themselves.

[luxcanon.livejournal.com]

Good writing and thinking,
and thanks for the word cosset.

[egoiste.livejournal.com]

i always thought jealousy was another form of perceived rejection. i think you can have great positive self regard and still be jealous, if not moreso, because of your own egotism.