friday afternoon greys

I overslept this morning, didn't even hear the alarm (an hour's worth of NPR) go off. I had taken a benedryl last night because of the mold orgy in the sky yesterday but I think it had more to do with last night being the first really cold night in half a year. Warm snuggly dogs surrounding me, sending sleep vibes through me all night long.

It's raining lightly outside, the pacific northwet sort of thing. I've been finding it really tough to make it in to work in a timely fashion this week, I am late getting in in the morning and coming back from lunch. And the week's tripped by me, it's Friday? how did it get to be Friday? Where the hell have I been? Why the hell am I spending a lovely afternoon like this in this damn cube?

Augh, the damn phone just chimed with an incomming call. I hate that sound, it reminds me of hungry baby birds.

I've been feeling a lot more angry lately. A customer called me on sighing during a call the other day, I was trying to walk her through interface and she wasn't getting where I needed her to be. Finally figured out she couldn't get there because of permissions. I flubbed on the reaction, I should have been apologetic but it suprised me so much that it had happened I mumbled something about just trying to solve the problem. I hadn't realized I'd sighed until she mentioned it.

(another call, pretty straightforward but it generated a second case I have to do now)

(no subject)

so I've been trying to figure out the sadness behind the anger I've been feeling lately

there are two things that stand out, I'm lonely and I am professionally frustrated

I've roosted on the word "lonely" but it's not quite right, my life seems delightfully full (or fully delightful) right now and I'd be wroth to have to put any of it aside to invest the time more interaction with another person would demand. And yet I long for it, I particularly long for physical contact. I am touch deprived. I spend fruitless masturbatory sessions just imagining the sensation of someones skin and soul under my hands, imagine wiggiling and wrestling with them, all ambiance, scented candles, chocolates, bunny furs and chiba.

Seems a bit pussey when I read it but yeah, that's where I'd like to be... I spend some time celebrating myself but it's so hard to get out oyour head when it is just you.

I don't even really want to go into the work thing much because the buzz I coped describing what I want is delightful, I just wish I had someone to share it with