Rise of the pricks

I can tell that the resumption of my ssri habit is beginning to have an effect. I was looking through my recent comments and noticed I keep coming off like a royal prick.

*headdeskthump*

I don't really want to be a prick, but I don't mind acting like one as much as most people so I tend to allow myself to engage in pricklike behavior more than most people will, which tends to make me a prick.

Combining that with the fact that I am terrified of selling myself out, behaving unnaturally nice so someone will like me. I am so concerned with doing that (or even appearing to) that I pull the weasel words that would soften how I express myself. That's not the only reason I present as I do, there's an element of it that is entirely a matter artistic sensibility. The weasel words steal emotional impact and detract from the fundamental thought I am trying to express in a memorable way.

But I think it's more I am afraid of looking craven and toadying.

It is so much easier to stop myself from being nice than it is to stop myself from being mean.