Wildflowers

Apr. 1st, 2009 11:01 pm
litch: (Default)
[personal profile] litch
Took the dogs to the park this afternoon.

It was beautiful and I needed some physical exercise to reconnect with myself. Been somewhat dissociative lately; not really feeling anything, there but not there, feeling like I was floating a foot back, above, & to the right of my head. It's a stress/coping mechanism, if my emotions are untenable then just step back and let the body go through the motions of life , leave the emotions there, climb up a rope and pull the rope up after me. Only emotion I recall over the last day or two is a few seconds of terror as I was going to bed last night (last week I had some doozy nightmares) and some mild irritation at the dogs for being twitchy (to which I vastly over-reacted, like took a swing at Saladin over-reacted).

The appropriate response to being dissociative is to focus on physical stimuli, physical exercise and exertion that overcomes your artificed separation. So I took the dogs and a pitchfork and headed for the park. There are a couple of pile of mulch there that have needed spreading for the last couple weeks. We wandered the park (seemed to be a day for large breasted beautiful blonds) and the dogs swam a bit. I got my pitchfork and started tossing mulch. got part way through and took a brake for more walks and dog swimming and then went back to the pile. I pushed myself until my ears were ringing and my eyes were spotting. Then lay down on a bench for a bit to catch my breath and tried to notice the world around me.

It really was a beautiful day, 70's & kind of breezy. The water in the creek is still high from the rain and it is shockingly cold. It was after 6:30 by then and I'd pretty much finished the pile I was working on, dogs were worn out and more the ready to head for el hacienda. Driving back I was stunned at how lush and beautiful all the bluebonnets on the medians along 360 are, they are absolutely vivid.

Date: 2009-04-02 04:48 am (UTC)

Date: 2009-04-02 05:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] contentlove.livejournal.com
It was a beautiful day! I notice the bluebonnets on 360 too. I'm glad you're responding to the disassociative thing, and I hope you'll keep writing about it and not let yourself get isolated while you're feeling this way. Keep going outside...I know it helps me ;))

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